Greenleaf Literary Services

Note: This is an actual critique prepared for a client.

Click here to download the full critique (Word document, 36 pages).

Excerpt . . .

I’ll start with the major elements of writing, which I’ll present in the form of questions as I determine how well those elements relate to your manuscript. The techniques that fiction writers use to tell a story can be applied to an autobiography or biography to get the same result that fiction writers want: to capture the reader’s attention and hold it through to the very last page. As I go through the questions, I’ll apply some of these fiction elements to show you how to create more drama and interest through the anecdotes and events that you have to tell. I’ll also include specific scenes and passages to demonstrate the application of those elements. At the end of the critique, I’ll summarize the most important points for you to keep in mind as you rework your story.

~~~~~

MARKET

1. Is your book properly geared toward a specific market?

Your book clearly fits into the autobiography/biography category.

You may be able to sell the book as an exposé, if that is your intention. One of the qualifications of an exposé is that you name the names of the culprits you dealt with, and you have done that. The only weakness in this category as far as your story goes is that you weren’t able to totally expose the entire scheme. This category is something that you might discuss with an agent or publisher as a potential market.

Perhaps you are aware of this already, but in case you aren’t, you might find Writer’s Market, published by Writer’s Digest Books, helpful in identifying the appropriate market. Writer’s Market contains viable and recent resources and identifies publishers who are looking for worthwhile books and magazine articles. Libraries often keep a recent copy in the reference section. You can also purchase the book through many bookstores or through the Internet.

2. Does the book offer universal appeal?

Yes.

REAL PEOPLE AS “CHARACTERS”

1. Do the characters in the story come alive?

You’ve done a great job bringing out the characters through their personalities, quirks, and attitudes. There are some visual images that give the reader a picture of what they look like. Visual images help to make them loom larger in the reader’s mind. Because of the focus of your story, the descriptions of the characters are not as vital as in a novel, but descriptions do help in adding another dimension. For instance, if the reader could get a visual image of Tina, even a brief one, when she first appears in a scene, it would add to the reader’s impression of her.

One aspect that the reader will probably be curious about, sometime after learning that you are adopted, is how your appearance and features compare to those of your adoptive parents. Up until then, did you think that you had gotten your features from your father or mother? What seemed alike or different? For instance, when you describe your father’s features on page 42, how do they compare to yours? Not a lot needs to be done here, but the question will run through the reader’s mind.

2. Does the reader have a specific character on which to focus?

You are the main character of your own story. You’ve done a great job of sharing your feelings and your thoughts about the horrendous ordeal that you went through to find your identity within your family.

3. Can the reader identify and sympathize with the main character?

There is no problem here. You have plenty of struggles with which the reader can identify, or at least sympathize with. A great deal of emotional depth comes across in your writing as you define the obstacles that you had to face in searching for the answers to your life – answers, that in most cases, turned out to be lies.

By sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings about the events, the confusion, and the insights, you bring the reader into your experiences to feel and see them with you.

4. Is the dialogue natural and consistent to the characters?

The dialogue you have written is well done. However, bringing in more dialogue is one area where you could greatly enhance your story.

When two or more people are in a conversation and sharing their feelings and reactions through words, the reader is privy to the conversation. The reader directly hears what is going on and feels more a part of the scene. By incorporating more dialogue into your story, you will bring out the characters better, too. They will be speaking for themselves, and thus identify who they are through their words and responses.

Here is an example of a passage as it is now from your book on page 5:

My next call was to a sister of my adoptive father (there’s that strange word again). Her name was Aunt Jeanne. And, with tact now out the window, I flat out asked her if I was adopted. She asked who told me that. I informed her that it was Florence Staats, and she let me know that Florence had no business telling me that. At least now I had two confirmations that it was true. Then, she abruptly hung up the phone.

Here is the conversation fleshed out in dialogue:

My next call was to a sister of my adoptive father. (There was that strange word again.) Her name was Aunt Jeanne.

Now, with tact out the window, I flat-out asked, “Was I adopted?”

“Who told you that?” she demanded sharply.

“Florence Staats.”

“Florence had no business telling you that.” She abruptly hung up the phone.

At least now I had two confirmations that it was true.

Notice how much more alive the event becomes when it is acted out. The reader is right there with you as it happens, hearing the actual spoken words.

In the Detailed Analysis section, I’ll point out other specific places where you can develop more dialogue to create a greater sense of drama, but overall, this is something that can be applied to almost every scene where there is verbal interaction.

VIEWPOINT

1. Is the viewpoint selection correct for this book?

Since this is your story, there is no problem with viewpoint here. You clearly tell the story through your own impressions and interpretations using first-person viewpoint.

2. Is viewpoint consistent throughout the story?

Yes.

Click here to continue reading the critique.